| The Cure All | 11:10 PM |
There's nothing a hot tub, a bath bomb, and Nine Inch Nails can't make better. Uplifting? No. But dark contemplation and a sense of relief and relaxation? Yes.
I won't let you fall apart
We'll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
I'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
Relationships are complicated things. My sister got robbed at gunpoint in Oakland just recently and it scared the hell out of me to hear her tight little voice on the phone just after it happened and I didn't even care about it -- about everything she'd lost -- all I could think after I realized she was safe, was that she was safe. They didn't hurt her and she was safe. And what a vulnerable place that is -- loving someone so much that you'd give anything for her safety.
We're in this together now
None of them can stop us now.
When it comes down to giving things up and making decisions, everything's a compromise. A setting aside of one thing for another. Someone told me once that every time you make a decision, you grieve for the things you decided against. Maybe I've mentioned it before because it's been stuck in my head ever since, but she's right. You give up one thing to pursue something else and it's a loss, and a part of you grieves for what could have been. In love, in careers, in life and life threatening situations, you can't have everything you want...you wouldn't possibly know what to with it all.
It didn't turn out the way you wanted it do, did it
My two favorite albums are The Fragile (Left) and Things Falling Apart. I love all of Trent Reznor's music, but these two albums let me sink into myself and let my thoughts run their course.
Do you know how far this has gone?
Just how damaged have I become?
| Girls' Dinner | 1:06 AM |
The boys are off on their survival trip -- no food, no water, just some long johns and a liter bag for each boy in Yosemite (quite appropriately at Jackass Lake :). We're just hoping they come back alive. While they're roughing it, we had girls' dinner (well, girls plus a 15 year old boy :) with barbequed rack of lamb, pasta, and artichokes, and lots of wine and several martinis.
I love my girls and I feel like I haven't seen them in forever what with the Zurich trip and the family visiting. I've been writing a lot lately and thinking quite a bit about my age. I went and had my annual pap this week and she asked me if I had any questions and I said no -- then said, wait! How fertile am I, now that I'm almost 35? Turns out I still have quite a few reproductive years ahead of me. But my eggs are getting old.
I know I've said this before, but it continues to amaze me to watch my girls getting more and more beautiful as they get older. I wonder if they know it. I wonder if I, too, am getting more attractive. I somehow doubt that I am, but I see them growing more and more radiant and attractive and sure of themselves and I adore them -- one of my girls turns 43 next week! 43! ;)
I wish I'd taken a picture of the dinner table with my lovelies around it because it would've made a great photo. I came back from Switzerland and all I wanted was to be alone. I had to get over that quickly because my sister and my son came to visit (and that's been fun!), but now I really feel like I'm ready to not be alone and it's good to have the girls around -- to remind me that growing older isn't a bad thing, and that good friends make everything in the world better.
