Another Bay to Breakers under our belts -- this year is my boyfriend's first. I think Tucker's first, too. I spent the day entirely too sober. In fact, half way through I was thinking to myself that I never wanted to do this again.

This is one of my favorite costumes (seen early in the day):

Tucker was trashed, and Ed was trashed and sans his wife. Normally Ineke keeps him occupied and happy, and without her, he's a little boy. The boys got into a tussle at one point and even when I know they're messing around, I can't stand to watch it -- I can't stand the idea that someone might get hurt. Tucker kept telling me what a good mommy I was the entire trip and I thought oh god...I've devolved to this...mommying my male friends.

This year there were a couple of nasty episodes -- perhaps every year there is ugliness and I've never noticed before because I've been intoxicated. It makes sense that tens of thousands of drunk people must result in some nastiness. But it turned me off to the whole thing. But next year will roll around and I'm sure I'll forget and we'll be here again, in our dirty bathrobes, walking up the hill with a bunch of drunks and the giant floats they're pushing into our ankles. (Pictures to come shortly).

My boyfriend works on a ship so he comes and lives with me for a month at a time. We've been together eight months but have only been in the same country for just over 11 weeks in total.

One of the things I realized on his last trip was that one of the reasons I fight relationships is because I want to keep being one of the guys. I don't want my boyfriend to take my place in my circle of guy friends! I don't want to miss hanging out with them because he's hanging out with them. I don't like the idea that guys night out will actually only be for guys and not include me anymore.

The other thing I realized was that I'm being slowly edged out of the guy group whether I have a boyfriend or not. And after thinking about it for a while I realized that it's been happening for a while now and I'm ok with it. I like hanging out with the girls -- I actually prefer them. I was out with the boys one night last week and it was 3 of them and me (including my boyfriend) and they were talking about their bachelor party weekend and whatnot and I was bored! Partly because I'd heard all the stories before, but partly because there were no other women to goof on the men with me or to counter with bachelorette party stories with.

I don't know why it is that as I get older I care more about my clothes and my earrings and my makeup and making aprons and photo albums and pretty little table settings. Good god, if I'd known this was what I'd turn into when I was 17, I probably would've cried my little heart out and tried to extinguish myself. But here I am, 17 years later and I'm having fun. And I'm a girl, goddamnit, a real honest to god girl and I never would have guessed it, but I like it.