Our grandma came to visit this weekend. I haven't seen her since my mom's accident. Seeing her crying immediately set me off. She looked so tiny sitting in that plastic outdoor chair. Her feet didn't even reach the ground. She's still so vibrant. Sad, but she seems healthy. And her mental facilities are still sharp.

I've been thinking about my family dying and it's a depressing thought. I'm not quite sure how to kick this funk. I feel like a wad of darkness. And I think I'm handling it well. I wonder what it'd be like if I wasn't. But I'm alternately angry, irritable, or sad all the time.

Jess and I made some cards tonight and it reminded me of the last time I made cards here with my mom. She was putting stickers willy nilly all over the card. It was so cute. They were for Frank and Ed's birthdays. I don't think I remembered to give them to either of them. I guess I can put them in my scrapbook.

I've been looking at photos of my mom when she was younger and she was so glamourous. She always dressed carefully, posed like a movie star, had a gorgeous smile. And it made me think that no one's going to ever look back at my photos and think I was glamourous. I don't care about me, but I like thinking of my mom that way.

Mom on some California beach in 1970.