my son went on a trip with my mother's church down in southern california. he enjoyed the trip, but when i asked if he'd met any interesting people he said no. he said that most of them weren't nice. he made one new friend, but didn't like most of the other boys. and he told me why and it just broke my heart. and i just wanted to hug him and hold him. children are so cruel. they say such mean things to each other. so relentlessly.

the weekend before last i'd listened to a radio program on how cruel young girls were. 10, 11 year olds in canada. how relationships are so important to girls and because we're socialized to not be overtly agressive, we take out our anger and hurt and frustration by sabotaging the relationships of other girls -- the things we hold the nearest and dearest to our hearts, we break.

some girls go home every day with their hearts broken. i'm sure some boys do, too. and what can you do as an adult? how do you teach your child to cope with that? if your kid is just being psychologically damaged, there isn't anything you can do. you can't control the children around your child. you can do your best to teach your kid to be tolerant, to communicate, to work out problems, to not purposely hurt people, but it doesn't necessarily shield them from those kids out there that don't have those skills.

i think the hardest part of being a parent is knowing that your child hurts and feeling like you can't do anything about it. and when you're so far away, you can't even wrap your arms around him to comfort him. and yourself.